Pot of what ifs

Life is not always what you plan. I can say mine has not been what I pictured when I was a child.
There are days when I wonder if I had done this or that if things would have been better for me. I think we all do this at times in our life...it just stirs the pot of what ifs.

I grew up in a single parent home. At times things were rough but we survived. I know my mom did her best. I hope that when my daughter is  older she will fee the same about me.


I never really thought of marriage. Marriage, was something other people did.I felt the same about having children. Never planned on having my own.


Reality is now I have a soon to be 11 year old who I adore and would do almost anything for. She drives me crazy in the best of ways and I am sure has made me a better person as I have aged. 

I am still not married and I know some would look down on that but I don't think they always need to go hand and hand. While I understand some people's view point I ask that you don't my choice. Are there times when I think I would like to be married ...sure. I would love to know someone else is paying the bills or going to put away the laundry ( I loathe laundry) but I know plenty of married couple with the same issues lol.  Not being bothers me most when I think that the Kid is missing out on something. 

On those days when the world is crashing in on you and you can not seem to catch a break and your heart is yearning for that hug or kiss ...when your lonely that is when I miss the idea of being married.


My daughter's father and I have a good relationship,that is to say it is functional /dysfunctional.That is truly the best way I can even try to explain us. There are no horrible things hiding in the showers keeping us apart we are just really good friends. I dare say that he is one of my best friends and I can't imagine my without him around. For whatever reason we are just not meant to be a "true family". Our main priority is that our child knows she is loved and that we will always be there for her.


I am sorry for such a heart heavy post. I will blame it on the gloomy weather going on here in NY.


On a happier note, the Kid has been back to school now for 2 weeks and off the crutches for 1. She is healing great.Her resilience to all that we discovered in April amazes me still and makes me smile everyday!